Day 1~ Shame to Forgiveness
We were the best of friends.
Throughout High School and then on into University.
Always plotting, scheming, studying and hanging out, together.
Sharing life's ups and downs, together.
Growing up and becoming adults, together.
Travelling abroad, together.
It was when we weren't together for a particular year in University, that I realised something.
It was in that year that I had space.
Physical and mental space.
I realised that I could spread my friendship wings to include others.
That we didn't have to be always together.
That I could enjoy new friendships without feeling guilty or stuck in the middle or torn.
Without feeling like I had to be the invisible mediator.
When she returned, I had moved on. I no longer wanted to be in an 'always together' friendship. I wanted to feel freer than that. To feel freer in my choices. I had stepped into a new reality. A new me. Or so I thought.
So I ignored her beautifully written letters (remember we're going back 23 plus years before social media). I ignored her phone calls. I wasn't in when she called to the house. I turned my back on her.
Without thinking of the consequences for her or myself.
We were no longer friends. Our friendship ended. Just like that. I moved on with my life. She with hers. We were no longer in contact.
I felt guilty. I felt ashamed at my actions. I knew I had avoided conflict at all costs through denial, turning my back and through my silence. I used to dream about her and even those dreams I would push away and ignore.
It was only when I started my journey of Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) a few years back that my perspective shifted. I was expertly guided through a process, back to a time where my subconscious wanted me to go.
I didn't expect to stop there.
I didn't quite want to.
But my subconscious knew best!
I could acknowledge and lean into the feelings; into the situation. Safely.
I could say sorry and share my guilt, my shame.
Forgiving myself and her in the process.
I shifted my beliefs, my thinking, and in turn my feelings about this time in my life. That I had buried, deep.
Leaving me feeling very joyful. Enlightening and free. It was liberating.
And there was more! Through a series of synchronicities (a story for another day), last year, I reconnected with my ex-always together friend. We met up. We're friends again. Living in different countries. Both sharing many similarities in where our lives took us after we parted. All so normal. So natural. So much to catch up on.
This is why I choose to learn more NLP which also led me to becoming a Soul Based Coach.
Because I know it works.
This is why I choose to incorporate these models into my training when it's right to do so.
Because I know how empowering it is.
This is why I want to spread my gifts and share with the world.
Because I'm a generous, giving, fun loving soul.
I dealt with that situation in the way I thought was best way back then. In a way that I only knew how, with the skills and experience that I had at the time.
"Everyone makes the best choice available to them at the time they make it." NLP Belief Of Excellence
I'm glad to say that now, 20 plus years on, I have many many many more skills, capabilities and ways of choosing how to respond.
I know that avoiding conflict does not serve me in the long run.
I know that turning away does not serve me.
I know that ignoring does not serve me.
I know that silence does not serve me.
"My life is my message". - Gandhi
To being the best version of yourself,
Please get in touch when you would like to know more, and share me.
#21DaysOfReflections ~ Day1