Starting Close In
I made a public proclamation.
To start a #30DaysOfStories.
I curse myself for making a public proclamation to start a #30DaysOfStories.
Laptop under arm, I head to my local café. JK Rowling style. Determined. Full of public promise. I order my giant cappuccino. I find a nice private corner where I can see them but they can't see my screen. I'm ready, waiting, fingertips poised. Imagining amazing prose flowing forth. The twists and turns; the clever plots; the eclectic characters; the sequels; the endless inspiration; the nominations; the talks; the applause. I'm like Whoopi Goldberg accepting her Oscar, in my words, "I have waited for this moment all. my. life."
I'm waiting for.....the.....
.....the nothingness. Tumbleweed. Nothing to report. Nada.
There was far too much going on all around me and all those goings on suddenly became very interesting and important for me.
Caffeinated, dejected, I head home.
Back at my ranch called Home, I load up my PC.
Yes that's much better. Much better than the laptop. Much better than the noisy, busy café. I'm in the right place. I'm ready for these words to rock n roll and fill this page up with ease and speed; with wit and alacrity.
I load up Facebook...instead of Wix, the host to my Website. Oh dear. So much interesting stuff on Facebook that's calling me. I head over to yesterday's post on my business page.
I click on the hashtag that I created yesterday and notice that it's not a unique hashtag. Nor is this proclamation of writing stories for 30 days unique. In fact, everywhere I look, people are sharing stories. Writing to their hearts content. Words, thoughts, feelings, observations, lessons, poetry, music, insights flow. I might as well just leave it to the experts. Because I ain't no expert when it comes to blogging or writing or sharing my voice or, while I'm on a roll, consistency or sticking to #hash#tagged# proclamations. Actually, I'm not answerable to anyone. I can do as I please. And I can do as I please MY WAY! I am the boss. I am the CEO.
What am I doing?
Why did I make such a proclamation?
Who really cares?
No-one has read it.
No-one will notice.
No-one wants to read MORE blogs. The world is saturated with words and lectures and stories.
I can remove my post and pretend that I never wrote it. That it never happened. That it does not want to happen. That I will know when the time is right and my eloquent prose will just flow like the wee brook by my house. Flowing merrily without a care in the world. Always flowing because that's what rivers do, right.
Yes that's what I'll do. I'm away to wait for the perfect moment; that perfect plot, when I'm really in the flow.
Cup of tea anyone?
Before I close shutdown, I scroll through the hashtag stories on Facebook and realise that every single person who has attached their story to this hashtag is so very different. So unique in their style and in what they have to say. From freckles to feminism; fitness to full-of-power (new hashtag?). Yet the very same at their/our very essence. In wanting to share words by filling up the blank page. In wanting to share our voice in a way that's unique. And tapping into that uniqueness by sharing our voice! It's a perfect combination. A perfect match. A unique match between person and writer.
my story is unique.
your story is unique.
David Whyte's books and poetry inspire me. His poem "Start Close In" continues to guide and support me.
"Start close in, don’t take the second step or the third,... start with the first thing close in, the step you don’t want to take."
Making the public proclamation yesterday was my first step. And today, I take the next step, close in, by writing what's real and alive for me right now. This is not what I had planned to write about by the way. My plan was far more intellectual; meaningful and deep, obviously! Perhaps the stories I read to my son at night have gone to my head. However, this is what emerged once I braved up, adult to adult, shoulder to shoulder, eye to eye, leaning in to this blank canvas of a page and began to type.
"Start right now take a small step you can call your own."
It's all about the Small steps.
Because that is what accumulates into the story of your life.